Being Nice is also a Lie.

Nearly a year ago when a situation that I was in was coming to a head, I thought to myself “What is it about me that is allowing this to happen?” It was a brave question but one that I have the answer to. I knew I felt small, broken, scared, put down, belittled, and that it was nearly impossible for me to stick up for myself with any real might.

Fast forward 2 months later when I was in Delhi and I was on the phone to my mother telling her I'm looking someone. She shared several things with me that were beautiful, and showed me that she still has a fierce momma bear love for me (don’t mess with my momma!) but what struck me most was this. I made the decision alone.  She said, “I’m sorry. I taught you girls to be nice and it was the worst thing I could have done.”

It was a statement that immediately made my world stopped. She was right. That was it. I was being nice. I was in my mess because I was a nice girl. And the guys before this guy who treated me like crap? I let him because I was a nice girl.

Here’s The Raw Truth About Being Nice
Nice isn’t good. Nice is behaving in a way that is externally motivated. You are trying to please people and get them to like you. You are trying to earn their praise. It isn't coming from a place of authenticity. It is coming from a place where you are trying to control a situation and manipulate people into giving you what you want and need: attention, affection, acceptance, permission, validation, praise, peace, etc…

When you play the nice girl game, you are giving away ALL OF YOUR POWER. It is a game no woman can afford to play.

When you play nice, you forfeit your self-confidence to the first demeaning jerk that has something snarky to say. When you play nice, the woman inside you stops thinking for herself. When you play nice, you stop knowing what you want and instead you adopt the wants of others to be ‘easy going’ and not ‘high maintenance.’

Being nice is you giving away you. It is you settling on the lowest common denominator. It is being a doormat and sending an invite out to the all the people who like to take advantage of others so they can show up at your doorstep and walk all over you.